Fuck, I love being single and living by myself.
“I can fix him”
fixes him
Joke on my ex fiance. Although it might be on me considering she cheated.
“She could fix others but not herself”
There is no fixing here, this is an armed bomb
it’s actually a lot easier to find a partner who guides you on the right path of life through love and support instead of just being abusive
Weird. I had the opposite experience.
Used to have gfs. They constantly nagged me to don’t work out, to not get a better job, to drink, to smoke, and party. oh and don’t have friends they don’t like and don’t do anything that doesn’t involve them. i was always trying to get us to get better jobs, take classes, try new things, try new places, etc. They would have NONE of it. Having goals and wanting to do stuff in life made me some sort of huge asshole to them.
I’ve been single 6 years and my salary has gone up 250%. in the decade I was dating women… it went up like 10%. and i am fitter, stronger, have lots of cool hobbies and i volunteer a lot. I also have pets and own a home. Only thing I don’t have in life that I want is a wife/child.
And when I try to date… i just meet women who think all that shit is gross. I already went on three dates this month and got told by each woman that I was ‘too put together and active and serious about life’. they just want someone to get drunk with on the weekends. I don’t. I can’t seem to find any women to date who actually want to be an active participant in their own life.
Yeesh. What’s the girlfriend getting out of all of this? Seems like a lot of work to run someone else’s life in addition to your own.
I believe OPs story is how it originally worked in a lot of traditional marriages. Women stays home but keeps a close eye on any business activity her man does. Since he earns a lot of money when he’s productive, she tries to keep him productive by pushing him in the right way. That’s how marriage worked. That was a long time ago, however, and such a strategy would not make sense today because people rarely stay together long enough for such a game to pay off for the women.
Are those divorce bells I’m hearing?
Why would they divorce? It sounds like OOP is doing everything his girl wants.
Because nobody wants to be married to a child.
oh boy do i have news for you …
Cause she will get bored and he will be never good enough
“she will get bored” a.k.a. she is young and wants to make lots of different experiences in life.
what if she’s older and has already made these experiences?
You are right
op found a mom for himself.
On a serious note, having been that guy, this is the worst experience ever.
15 years of slowly being convinced being who I was, was wrong. 15 years of being told she was normal, what I wanted wasn’t. 15 years of isolation. 15 years brainwashing. 15 years of ever building self doubt.
Then she cheated on me.
Somehow I haven’t been in grippy socks yet. Pretty fucking close though with the outpatient stuff I do. Been on one date with someone else.
Edit: A greentext post of all places to get this wonderful support. 🥲
I was in it for 5 years. I wouldn’t have made it another decade. Glad you’re on the other side. I hope you can find your emotions, the ones that you have somewhere inside that really care for you in a way you haven’t felt all this time.
Also therapy if you can afford it and find one that clicks with you. It’s frustratingly helpful in that it doesn’t feel like you’re doing much but the reinforcement and structure is everything.
And definitely more dates!
I don’t get why relationships are such a hsrd requirement for people.
You can be blind to the problems you’re facing for a long time. For me it was a combination of her perpetuating abusive behaviors from her youth and me not understanding boundaries and my own avoidance. Outside of that it was right around 2020 so i had a lot of distractions and instability. It took me a long time to realize that the relationship had these problems.
My point is that taking so long to end it had to do with anything except a relationship being a requirement. I do want to be in a relationship but for intimacy, solidarity, vulnerability, company etc… The status doesn’t play into it at all.
If those don’t make sense to you then that’s just as normal. If you’re confused by them then look into aromanticism.
Nah, I have been AeroAce for a long time, I realized that I can’t really depend on other people, and that outside opinions don’t really matter.
I have notes specifically for what I think I did wrong, and will ask others as needed. Otherwise, time and energy are the only real limits.
EDIT: Specifically, I’m not AeroAce, I just see it as selfish desire that I’m not entitled to.
No one is entitled to another human being. Relationships are about mutual interest.
Exactly! And I see myself as especially unworthy of other people.
Fair. I just hope you find yourself worthy of your own self care, love, and respect.
Hey, if two (or more) people are making each other happy and doing well, right on. Yea that "traditional " style of relationship isnt for me. Especially the idea of withholding conversation or sex as punishment. Well, if it was kink minded then maybe, but I digress.
Anywhoots, being in a happy stable relationship certainly helped me get some of my act together. Hopefully i wont fully come apart the seams right now.
Especially the idea of withholding conversation or sex as punishment.
What if the withholding is driven purely by emotion rather than being premeditated?
Like, someone is angry, so they dont talk for awhile? They are sad, so maybe no fuckey tonight? Etc. Thats fine. I dont mean to say they should always be talking or fucking.
Withholding to punish, or to steer the partner a certain way is what seems problamatic.
Yeah, like that.
My point being, what we end up saying is that two people could do exactly the same thing, but it is only acceptable if there is no premeditation and everything is completely emotional.
I feel like we are making the same point
There’s certain common patterns this dynamic seems to take:
- They end up in that type of traditional marriage for fifty years where the wife controls absolutely everything and the man throws around jokes about ball and chain. This ends when either one dies; if the man dies first, the wife will live happily for another ten years, but if the wife dies first, the man follows soon
- The man loses all sights of himself and becomes a passive and meek “yes, dear” -man, and then the girlfriend (or wife if they managed to get married) eventually gets bored since the project car isn’t fun anymore, and cheats or just straight up leaves him. This pattern might also involve straight up domestic violence where the man is too embarrassed and scared to seek help
- The girlfriend (or wife again) gets tired of taking care of a manchild instead of having an equal partner, and leaves. This happens especially if they have children and the wife realizes it’s actually easier to take care of the children alone. Often the man also ends up whining about how he doesn’t understand what he did wrong, and thought everything was going so well
