Things haven’t been going well for me and I think I just have been acting like an irresponsible child.

Basically, I am currently doing Computer Science in university right now and at the end of the fall semester of last year, my father said that if I fail at least 1 course, he’ll kick me out in 2 months. I did end up failing and so therefore I immediately started looking for a job (while doing the next semester at the same time). However, I unfortunately live in Canada where the job market just absolutely sucks (thanks to both Justin Trudeau and Mark Carney!), especially if you’re not an immigrant who is either on a student visa or the temporary foreign worker program. I applied for just about anything I would qualify for and only got automated rejection emails (mostly from companies like Starbucks and Walmart) if anything at all. I have also gone to my local employment agency and even to the career counseling at my university. Thankfully, my dad didn’t kick me out at the time.

I have also had a lot of stress - I guess mostly due to me not getting enough sleep (although I have recently been doing much better in terms of sleep), looking for a job but not getting anything while trying to do university and doing poorly, and problems with my parents. This just has reached the point where right before this semester, I had told my parents that I just didn’t really want to do my Computer Science program anymore and would rather just get a job (like either go into the trades or if I can’t get into the trades then at least have a minimum wage job for now (and then progress to something with a better wage)). They then basically threatened to kick me out unless I agreed to do my Computer Science program. They say it’s because it hurts their feelings because they tried so hard to get me into university and then do well and that they also really care about me, but I think it may be more about their ego and insecurities (if I’m not mistaken). I then caved in but only because I didn’t want to become homeless, however I never told them that.

This semester has also just gotten a lot worse. Even though I know that I perfectly know that I must do well in my classes if I don’t want to become homeless, I have been procrastinating a lot on basically all of my courses and did really poorly on my midterms. I am also usually really terrified of checking my assignments and grades and I don’t really feel like I’ll pass my courses this semester. My dad has also told me that if I don’t do well and pass my courses there’s a risk that I may lose funding for my university (neither my parents nor I currently pay for my tuition and so it’s 100% covered by government loans and grants) and if so than I won’t be able to continue my university and they then just won’t let me into the house. I have also just gotten really tired both physically and emotionally and sometimes just not wanting to go on anymore (which has gotten better though for the past few days because I have been getting more sleep).

I know it is completely stupid for me to procrastinate on my assignments and I just feel like a completely irresponsible child now that can’t focus and do anything unless you constantly beat them physically.

Also, I will be going to the mental health services at my university (despite my parents really being against it).

Also, one of my friends has suggested me to just take a year off and try to figure out what I really want to do, but I don’t think that would go well with my parents. Also, even before all of this, I have really been wanting to eventually be able to find some place to rent and move out of the house (due to how bad things were even then), but the events of this year have really just accelerated this.