BeeegScaaawyCripple

i’ve had two legitimate death threats when i lived in “liberal” states. i’ve lost count of how many i got when i lived in republican states. seemed to be part of standard conversation there.

I’m married too

I can shit on somebody/thing without exposing myself. C suite or better

So, be Deaf and have no interpreter?

For some reason (probably that story about the student whose packer fell out in front of a teacher who said “I hate it when it does that”) I have a different image in my head.

How else I gonna get my beard dry

“I have uncontrollable diarrhea, I smell like I have uncontrollable diarrhea, and my cooking tastes like uncontrollable diarrhea. When can I start, chef?”

Like a normal fart or a fart that brought some friends

“dude no smoking outside designated hotboxes”

Blowie with lots of teeth

I hate when I get teeth stuck in my teeth

Now imagine an ulcer. Imagine the popsherds getting lodged in that.

I’ve seen some shit

If I’m ordering a meatball sub I want a hot mess tho

He’s so full of shit he need prune juice to extrude it

To be fair, murder is how klingons court

Es mi dia primero

He said fluoridation was too important to be left to the generals. When he said that, 50 years ago, he might have been right. But today, fluoridation is too important to be left to politicians. They have neither the time, the training, nor the inclination for strategic thought. I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.

i mean i’ve got a cipher that makes passwords look random.

Y̷̰̗͌͝Ḙ̴͌Ä̸̜͘ ̷̧̏V̸̧͖̀E̷̿̅ͅR̶̡̈̆I̸̤͋̚L̸͍̦͑Y̴̪͆̈́ͅ ̷̩͕̈́Ỳ̶̰E̵̖͌Ä̵̩͉́̎