We tried a vibrating ring once, and that was a bust. All I remember is how good it felt when we took it off and just went bare. And excuse me, I need to go find my wife for something.

Sorry Mickey, this one’s a dud. All my fingers are smaller than the average dick, but the average dick can only dream of the results my fingers get.

Everything is on a downward trajectory. Like 8 companies own the whole fucking planet and everything on it.

Vegetables. Any kind.

Also, here’s a counterintuitive tip: if you’re going to eat beans, take fiber pills as well. The soluble fiber from the pills lessens the grief from all the insoluble fiber in the beans.