For my birthday, my spouse got me a nicer newer expensive version of a thing I already have. The one I have is older and dented but works just fine. I use it weekly. I never complain about it. I’ve never asked for a newer one. The one I have was given to me by my mother in law, whom I adore. It’s sentimental.
I don’t like new things. When they got me a 3d printer, it was the cheapest one and it was a kit and I had to build myself. I loved it. It’s perfect for me. I regularly buy things used or get things from Buy Nothing groups. I much prefer to repair old things in many ways. My car has over 100k miles. The one before did too. I don’t like new things.
We got into a huge argument because I want to return it. They are so upset with me that they left the house to calm down. Why am I the bad person? Why are they mad at me? I have a very clear tendency for old broken used things. Why am I obligated to like this new thing?
We literally established a rule early in our marriage. I’m not allowed to gift nerdy t shirts. They don’t like them. I love them. I thought they would like them but they do not. So they asked me to stop. This feels the same. I do not like new things. Why am I the bad guy for wanting to return the newer version of the thing I already have?
“You shouldn’t have, I appreciate that you noticed how much I use the old one, this is awesome.”
That’s the response that you should have used. I get where you’re coming from with the shirt comparison, but it’s not the same. YOU like nerd shirts, not everyone does. She gave you a better version of something you use on a regular basis.
Saying this gift is awesome sounds like a straight-up lie, given what OP wrote about their true feeling
Weasel wording around it, like acknowledging their thoughtfulness (as you say with “appreciate that you noticed how much I use it” without mentioning the gift’s downsides) seems like a really good option and I’d leave it at that, leaving options open to later discuss what to do with the instance of this object that has sentimental value attached. Hearing that question/thought (later, when not in the middle of a gift-giving ritual), the partner presumably realises the error without needing to be told and can warm up to the idea that this new one might not be what OP would prefer to keep
Nah, that’s nonsense. Sounds like the old one was sufficient, and had deeper meaning attached to it.
That’s true, but I don’t think that negates what was good intent. Plus we have no idea about delivery of the message from OP.
Agree, and I said as much in a separate comment. We also don’t know anything about the delivery of the gift giver, either though…
True. I guess good intent and delivery is generally assumed with a gift but not always there. It’s not implied in the post though.
There’s a lot of important context missing but on balance, with the bits we do have, I think OP probably could have handled it with more sensitivity.
I didn’t catch any deeper meaning other than “it worked for what I needed”.
It’s right there in the OP
Your right, I got that mixed up with the 3d printer mentioned.
I think OP is saying that they have an old 3d printer that they made/love, and their spouse got them a new (better, nicer looking, but less sentimental) 3d printer.